The World of Lost Things

I am a loser. I lose things. All the time. My current lost items include:

My eyeliner
My car keys
My house keys
My water bottle
My blue pen
My magazine
A button

This list fluctuates on a daily basis. I wonder where lost things go. How do they become lost? What constitutes being lost versus just misplaced? I wonder what one could do with all the lost things of the world. If I could collect everything I've lost and never found over the years, I wonder if I would be confused at the emotional reaction I've had to some of the items. I seem to attach myself to inanimate objects. I remember being young, maybe five or six, and my mother had bought me a balloon, a Minny Mouse balloon, I believe. My parents had gotten a divorce a year or so before and I could cling onto almost anything. I remember walking out of the store with my Minny Mouse balloon feeling content and full. Unfortunately, while my mom strapped me in, I let go of my balloon enough that it began it's ascent toward the Arizona sun. To say I cried would be an understatement. I wept. I lamented. I balled like the child I was. I was empty. I'm not sure why but I loved that balloon like a child. I wonder where that balloon went. Maybe to a world of lost things.

Curse of Curves

I hate to look in the mirror. I'm a girl with anorexia and I really hate to look in the mirror. I hate what I see, I hate that I can't become what I want to be and I hate that people hold me back from that. Isn't it strange how dissatisfied we become with ourselves? I just broke up with a boy and suddenly I feel like a bad person. I had every right to break up with him and I didn't owe him anything so why am I upset about this? Suddenly, I turn on myself. I think about the rolls of fat, the chubby face, the bulbous arms and thighs. I wonder if all the mirror's are broken. Or maybe I'm just broken. Can eye's be broken? I suppose it's just my head. My emotions. I wish I was thinner, I wish I was stronger, I wish I could be happy, I wish there were no mirrors. I've included the most recent picture of myself for documentation and hopefully I can learn to love that image one day.

How to Fight Loneliness

Here are a few ways I realize can keep you out of the pit of loneliness:

1. Girls, where your skirts just a little shorter: apparently guys like skin and if you want a complete dirtbag for a boyfriend, this is the best way to make that happen. If you don't want the dirtbag, it's fun to get the looks from guys anyway.

2. Guys, dress in all the latest fashions and get the nicest car: This is the quickest way for you to get one of those idiot girls that can't formulate a real sentence, which you all seem to just love. She'll be completely blinded by your apparent wealth that she won't care when she breaks your heart.

3. Everyone, put on a mask: If you mask who you really are and become something people believe to be better, you will definitely get an insecure, high maintenance partner who will love you for everything you aren't and leave you when they discover the sham.

4. Become obsessed with work: If you don't have time to breath, you don't have time to be lonely. If you become a workaholic, you will never have time to find the love of your life and never have the pain of hurt when she leaves you for someone else.

5. Girls, don't respect yourself: Most guys seem to hate it when a girl has any respect for herself at all. If you learn to not be able to be alone, if you learn that you always need a guy, if you aren't a real person if you aren't hanging on someone's arm, you won't be alone for long.

6. Guys, become a player: You'll never get a self-respecting girl with a brain if you're a player. But do you really want a girl who can think for herself? That just means long, intimate conversations late at night and a really substantial relationship. That's just a risk you don't want to take.


I'll add to this as I think of them. Feel free to make suggestions.

Lament of Hot Site 7B

Though the possibility of sounding like a whining nit, I'm going to complain about my internet. Having been used to the internet connection I had in my previous dorm, which was incredibly fast, it has been an experience getting used to Hot Site 7B, the internet connection I am forced to use at my apartment. I am no longer able to stream movies online. The days of downloading music free off of limewire are over. Have I really become this spoiled? One of the biggest complaints I have at this very minute is my internet. For heavens sake, I can communicate with people around the world because of the internet. I can work from home. I can learn, I can teach, I can explore. I suppose I'm just impatient.

Ah, the Beginning

My first blog. Nothing to say, really, but to show the inspiration for this blog:

Dirge for a Joker


Always in the middle of a kiss
Came the profane stimulus to cough;
Always from the pulpit during service
Leaned the devil prompting you to laugh.

Behind mock-ceremony of your grief
Lurked the burlesque instinct of the ham;
You never altered your amused belief
That life was a mere monumental sham.

From the comic accident of birth
To the final grotesque joke of death
Your malady of sacrilegious mirth
Spread gay contagion with each clever breath.

Now you must play the straight man for a term
And tolerate the humor of the worm.
--Sylvia Plath

We must find the contradictions in life and embrace them.

KV