How to Fight Loneliness

Here are a few ways I realize can keep you out of the pit of loneliness:

1. Girls, where your skirts just a little shorter: apparently guys like skin and if you want a complete dirtbag for a boyfriend, this is the best way to make that happen. If you don't want the dirtbag, it's fun to get the looks from guys anyway.

2. Guys, dress in all the latest fashions and get the nicest car: This is the quickest way for you to get one of those idiot girls that can't formulate a real sentence, which you all seem to just love. She'll be completely blinded by your apparent wealth that she won't care when she breaks your heart.

3. Everyone, put on a mask: If you mask who you really are and become something people believe to be better, you will definitely get an insecure, high maintenance partner who will love you for everything you aren't and leave you when they discover the sham.

4. Become obsessed with work: If you don't have time to breath, you don't have time to be lonely. If you become a workaholic, you will never have time to find the love of your life and never have the pain of hurt when she leaves you for someone else.

5. Girls, don't respect yourself: Most guys seem to hate it when a girl has any respect for herself at all. If you learn to not be able to be alone, if you learn that you always need a guy, if you aren't a real person if you aren't hanging on someone's arm, you won't be alone for long.

6. Guys, become a player: You'll never get a self-respecting girl with a brain if you're a player. But do you really want a girl who can think for herself? That just means long, intimate conversations late at night and a really substantial relationship. That's just a risk you don't want to take.


I'll add to this as I think of them. Feel free to make suggestions.