Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Hmm.
As I sit here, waiting for another student to come here their critique, I question why I'm here. How did I end up here? I feel like a completely different person from the little girl that considered ending it 4 years ago. Can someone change so much? Reading a friend's blog, he mentioned the idea that our "self" is merely a story. I wonder how my story reads? Why do we blog, anyway? We are simply telling our story. Is my "self" just a computer screen? Or is it my day to day activities? Is it how I react to things or how I get to the situations that cause my reaction. I wish I was more philosophical, more controlled, more self-motivated, more.. not my "self" but something much greater. Is it that aspiring for more what makes me who I am? Eventually the story must end and many times I wish I could skip to that part.
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You are everything that has ever happened to you. You are every conversation you ever had. You are every emotion you ever felt. You are every idea you ever though, every line you ever drew, every color you ever saw, every book you ever read. Every step, every movement, every hug you ever had.
ReplyDeleteI wish the self was a single thread we could follow back to it's origin, to really understand who we are. Unfortunately we are an incredible complex network of these threads. Tied together with other threads, weaving in and out, tangled and knotted in clumps.
Even those who came before us are a part of who we are. A huge part. Our genes. The things they taught us. The basic principles of humanity and civilization we've learned and acquired.
In fact, when you said "eventually the story must end," I thought to myself that maybe it does not end at all. Our lives, our legacies, will be left for others, and we'll become a part of those people. Forevermore connected to the "self" of the entire human race. If only but a small piece of it.
And suddenly, the "self" becomes anything but the self. The self becomes EVERYTHING. There is no self, per se (paradox?). Are we even individual? We are all connected. (And here's another paradox) How can we be individuals, yet still be so thoroughly connected?
You subscribe to certain religious beliefs that clearly define you as an individual though, and I'm not trying to dissuade you of any of those beliefs. Just a few thoughts.
Oh, and also, here's some links that reveal just how big we are in this universe. Turn the volume up, it's pretty quiet. You have to hear the explanation. This is from the documentary "Cosmos" with Carl Sagan:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-xcc2vGE7s
This just reveals the size of the earth in comparison to other planets, the sun, and other stars:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXOIdu8bHuo
Makes you feel a bit insignificant. Or more than a bit insignificant. Those largest stars are one of billions in just our KNOWN- universe. But the insignificance I feel is not a bad thing like some would think.
It's a bit relieving actually.
You can see why I've been thinking about existentialism so much lately now eh? Hahaha
Zachary