Once upon a time....

I miss who I used to be but the girl I used to be wished to be the girl I am now. This is me presently:

This is who I used to be:





I miss being like that. I'm not sure what it is that I miss but I know part of me wishes I hadn't grown out of that. I miss the boys. I miss my friends. I miss the crazy nights we'd spend raising hell and doing things we'd regret. I miss feeling so free and yet so trapped. I wanted so badly to be the girl I am today and now that I'm there, I feel this intense nostalgia for that stranger I used to be. Strange how we always want what we think we can't have.

Untitled

one plus one is three
and we cut down a tree
just for fun.
johnny and sally ran away
when johnny told sally
"i promise i'll stay."
now mexico has two more unhappy lovers,
as pretty as a bird losing his feathers
and spreading them on the kitchen table
until he's naked and drowns in his own skin.
"I love you, I love you, I'll love you for always--
At least for now."

Fleeting Moments

My head is full of random thoughts today:

Why is ebay so addicting? I've already spent way too much money.

Regret is pointless but also a drug. Why can't we let go? Why do we let it fester?

Why is doing the right thing so hard sometimes? If it's the right thing, isn't it supposed to be easy?

What is money? It controls us, yet it's merely paper and metal, and now it's just numbers on a computer screen. Does it hold the same value to me as my grandparents?

Why vintage? Why are we so concerned about living in the past, some reject today?

Why do we have to have the latest, most expensive, most advanced everything? Why can't we be happy with the simple things?

Are we all so dissatisfied that we can't embrace each new day as it comes? We always long for the future and wish for the past, but forget that we are in today and we are missing it.

Goodbye My Almost Lover

I drove by your house today. I couldn't cry but I broke inside. How is she? Is she great? Do you love her like you loved me? Do you tell her she's the only one you could ever love? Do you tell her that no matter what, she's your other half and you'll be together forever in your heart? Does she kiss you like I kissed you? Does she love you like I love you? I think about you every day. I think about how you held me, how you pulled me in, how you put your arm around my waist and we melted into each other. I remember how you smell. I remember how it felt when we'd watch a movie on your couch and I lay in between your legs, my head resting on your chest, your heart beating in my ear, you playing with my hair, me rubbing your leg and you promising to never leave. You said I was more important. You said I'd always come first. I didn't, did I? I can't make you feel like the drugs do. I thought I could. You said I could, but I guess you didn't mean it. I saw us in a dream once, old, sitting like we used to, watching the kids play, watching them grow up, move out, mess up, come back, leave us. I saw us old, you still grabbing my hand when we're around people and I get scared, letting me know you're still there. I'm crying now. Do you remember wiping my tears? Do you wipe her tears now? I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. I could never mean it. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I love you. I've always loved you. Part of me will always love you. Remember the nights we'd lay in bed and talk about the future, the sky, the stars? Do you remember our first kiss? The rain pouring, both of us completely drenched. You looked at me like you'd known me forever, but just realized it. That was the first time you wrapped your arm around my waist and we melted away with the rain. Remember kissing in the snow? You said I looked like an angel. You said I was your angel. You said I was all you needed. I guess you were wrong. I couldn't take you away like the drugs could. I couldn't compete with your other love. I bet she doesn't care about you like I care about you. I bet she'll get high with you and die with you. Do you realize what will happen when you die? Or disappear? Or go back to prison? Part of me will go with you. That part is locked and sealed now. Others try and get in there but the key is gone, you have it. Remember the key you gave me? I look at it every day. You have my key. You'll always have that. I'll always have the memories.

I love you, Chris.

How to Comment in a Class Room Setting

Dear woman in my class that can't shut up,

1. Less is more: Keep your comments short and sweet. By talking in circles you sound more idiotic and arrogant, not intelligent. If your comment takes more than 1 minute, it's too long and I will tune out.

2. I payed to hear the teacher talk: You aren't the teacher. I don't care that you think you are the smartest person in the world. You aren't. You know almost nothing. The teacher knows much more than you.

3. I don't care: I don't care that you think you are a saint. I don't care that you love to scrap book. I don't care about your family trip or the time little Johnny threw up and it was so traumatic and it really brought you closer to God. I just don't care.


With all due respect,
KV

P.S.: SHUT UP