Goodbye My Almost Lover

I drove by your house today. I couldn't cry but I broke inside. How is she? Is she great? Do you love her like you loved me? Do you tell her she's the only one you could ever love? Do you tell her that no matter what, she's your other half and you'll be together forever in your heart? Does she kiss you like I kissed you? Does she love you like I love you? I think about you every day. I think about how you held me, how you pulled me in, how you put your arm around my waist and we melted into each other. I remember how you smell. I remember how it felt when we'd watch a movie on your couch and I lay in between your legs, my head resting on your chest, your heart beating in my ear, you playing with my hair, me rubbing your leg and you promising to never leave. You said I was more important. You said I'd always come first. I didn't, did I? I can't make you feel like the drugs do. I thought I could. You said I could, but I guess you didn't mean it. I saw us in a dream once, old, sitting like we used to, watching the kids play, watching them grow up, move out, mess up, come back, leave us. I saw us old, you still grabbing my hand when we're around people and I get scared, letting me know you're still there. I'm crying now. Do you remember wiping my tears? Do you wipe her tears now? I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. I could never mean it. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I love you. I've always loved you. Part of me will always love you. Remember the nights we'd lay in bed and talk about the future, the sky, the stars? Do you remember our first kiss? The rain pouring, both of us completely drenched. You looked at me like you'd known me forever, but just realized it. That was the first time you wrapped your arm around my waist and we melted away with the rain. Remember kissing in the snow? You said I looked like an angel. You said I was your angel. You said I was all you needed. I guess you were wrong. I couldn't take you away like the drugs could. I couldn't compete with your other love. I bet she doesn't care about you like I care about you. I bet she'll get high with you and die with you. Do you realize what will happen when you die? Or disappear? Or go back to prison? Part of me will go with you. That part is locked and sealed now. Others try and get in there but the key is gone, you have it. Remember the key you gave me? I look at it every day. You have my key. You'll always have that. I'll always have the memories.

I love you, Chris.